Distance Learning Blues

May 01, 2020
In this amazing and intense age of Covid-19, it is week four of distance learning with my students. In the beginning, I loved using the bells and whistles to engage my learners in new ways. Heck, I even got creative with mini-brain breaks, offering students a tour of my home or challenging them to a plank or push-up contest.
In Covid time, that seems like two years ago instead of three weeks ago.
But now, it is week four and not only have my students seen every nook and cranny of my not-always-tidy home, but I find myself losing the motivation that I once had to come up with new creative ideas and stay fresh and upbeat for my students. It isn’t only my butt cheeks that have gone numb: part of me feels stuck from days and days of teaching alone.
In those moments of numbing fatigue, I pray that my students cannot read my mind or my thoughts; however, like a clunky old radio tower, it’s almost as if I can feel my body transmitting the following ugly thoughts to the world: 
I am so tired of this--when will it end? 
I just don’t feel like doing this anymore (teaching online, staring at a screen, keeping my content engaging) please let me just watch more Netflix.
Since no one knows how long this (pandemic) will take, so what’s the point of even making an effort? 
I don’t feel inspired today so I might not even show up at all.
Tired of feeling gross, I decided to write everything down in my brain down on a piece of paper. Once I saw my thoughts on paper, I could also see how my mind was offering up the same, old familiar lies that my brain has always used to tell me NOT to do any of the challenging (yet ultimately amazing) achievements in my life: from getting my Masters degree in Paris, to losing 26 pounds, to dating again after more than a decade of being single and finding the love of my life. 
Now, please don’t get me wrong: the pain and global grief that we are all experiencing during this coronavirus pandemic is decidedly different from getting my MA, losing my weight, and meeting my beautiful beau. 
That said, isn’t it interesting how our minds like to tell us the same old tired lies and BS as it just to keep us safe? I almost come to expect these thought errors every time I know that I’m growing and my brain wants me to stay the same.
What thoughts are coming up for you? I find that just the act of writing them down and noticing the lies my brain offers me gives me freedom from them. 
You see, when we write down what’s in our brain, we turn into the observers, not the victims, of our minds.
What’s coming up for you, my friend? Take a minute between Zoom calls and write it down. Sometimes noticing is all you need.
Photo by Julia M Cameron from Pexels

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